Here is What We’ve Seen That Works. Amicable Divorce is Possible.
Tips for a Harmonious Divorce Mediation
Avoid Conflict Like the Plague:
Studies show that fighting, such as conflict, will damage your kids. The court is optional. Don’t choose to go to court just to prove your point. There are multiple non-court methods. Explore collaborative divorce, mediation, cooperative divorce and other alternatives to litigation. Exhaust all options before stepping into a courtroom.
Self-Care:
Emotions are the norm for all divorce cases. Controlling your emotions having a sounding wall to bounce ideas off of you will be better equipped to negotiate your divorce and make it amicable. The sounding wall of a qualified therapist may save your emotional well-being, help you develop positive coping mechanisms and save you with mediation fees.
Amicable Divorce:
Although divorce mediation is a time-sensitive solution it does not make the divorce easy. Splitting is a difficult proposition for the healthiest situations. It is the ending of a relationship with someone you cared enough about to share your life with. No matter what method you employ you will get through the divorce process one way or another. Your decisions along the way create your experience in the process.
Turn Off the Noise:
Everyone while going through a divorce will hear from their friends and family their take on what you should do because their best friend’s uncle’s cat had your situation and they got ”fill in the blank”. Every case’s fact pattern is different. Ultimately, the judge could have the same case factually twice in a day and rule differently on each. Your people mean well but are not helpful in the way you need them to be.
Blaming:
It will do nothing positive for you, your soon to be ex and definitely your children. Again, when people throw knives the recipient will shut down (or put walls up) or bleed out and not be receptive to negotiations, delaying the eventual resolution.
Good Faith Negotiations:
In any divorce proceeding, good faith is a necessary component to a successful resolution. If there is a lack of good faith negotiations the resentment will build further, decreasing the chances of early resolution.
Do Not Trash Talk Your Ex-Spouse, Ever:
Every time your child hears or feels anything bad about the other parent at any age they internalize that message and think “I must be bad”. Your children are 50% of each of you. Your goal is to build up your children, right?
Own Your Role in the Demise of the Relationship:
I know you are hurting and wanting to blame the other. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango. Failure of any relationship, including marriage, has a yin to the yang.
Rapid Resolutions:
Although there are divorce resolutions that could resolve in a few weeks it is a good idea to not rush the process. You are making life long decisions. Breathe, consider and be comfortable with your amicable divorce resolution. It is what you can live with, not necessarily love.
Hiring a Warrior:
If you are thinking about hiring a litigator to advocate for your legal rights, here is the straight dope. Litigation costs thousands of dollars lengthens the process and the other party loses. Typically, there are children involved. Guess what? They lose too. A mediated divorce and a protracted legal battle typically have similar outcomes. What is all of the fighting for?
